She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
