Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
