ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
