just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
