I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Don't make out with my wife yet
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
