literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
