Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
