I wish my penis had an off switch
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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