three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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