mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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