I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
