It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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