the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
