Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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