I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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