If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
