Betty ford says i'm here all night
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
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It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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