i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
