the condom got lost in my hair
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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