Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
