Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
