Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
