She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
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