I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
