Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
