shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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