dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
