not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
