38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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