I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
