she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
