I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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