Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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