Tell her she can't have a vagina
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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