she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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