I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
