brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
