I CAN MOONWALK!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
