I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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