walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
