Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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