Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
