Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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