What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
