tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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