I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
