Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
