Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
