Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
