I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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