If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
