mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
