I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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