I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
one might say we're banned from that church
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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