I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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