WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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