i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
