he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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