Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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