So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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