3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
