so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
